A new update
Hello blog, it is been a while since the last post I have
written in 2013. Basically to sum up the calculation of how long I have been
away from the blogging world is about 7 years. Omg. I was 16 years old in 2013 and
now I am 23 years old this year. How fast time flies and how crazy is that?
When I am reading my old post, I was so shocked and intrigued by myself being
so depressed and lonely? What happened to my 16-year-old self, who hurt her?
How she gets into a state like that? Well, to answer all that, I am actually
living my life in both love-hate relationships. There is a time where everything
goes smooth and nice and the other time is just such a mess and wanting to die
peacefully.
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| My degree friends awh. |
I finished my diploma in 2018, well proudly saying that I
passed it with flying colors which I received Vice Chancellor Award for my
diploma. After that, I enrolled myself in University Malaya in Kuala Lumpur in
2019 to continue my degree. Currently, I'm doing a Degree in International Relation
and Strategic Studies. To be frank, I was so excited to take this course
because that is my dream to pursue when I was searching and surveying what
course should I continue during degree year and it was not as on cloud nine as
I expected it to be. Ever since I enrolled in the course, my life is never on
the bed of roses. It's a path full of thorns and curvy roads. I have to expect
the unexpected things that would happen to me anytime. Throughout these 5
years, after high school was over, I encountered so many pleasant and bad
experiences that allow me to make a room of improvement for myself. The
hardships are the most difficult thing to overcome because I know, I am the
person who likely hard to accept why things happened not according to what I
have planned. There is a phrase saying, "there is will be a rainbow after
each rainstorm." and, I do believe in that word. Indeed, I survived during
the rainstorms and now, I'm seeing a rainbow at the end.
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| Convocation day in Uitm Pahang 2018 |
During diploma years was the year where I really treasured
everything I did. It was such memorable memories where I couldn't find it
anywhere and if I had the chance to rewind myself to that moment, I would
definitely will. There were so many experiences I got, especially on how to
conduct and organize an event, not to mention how I got to be an emcee eventho
my skill is not very excellent but hey, at least I tried. On top of that, I met
a lot of friends, so many tears, laughs, joys we had shared together. The part
where I missed the most was burning the midnight oil together with my
housemates! I still remember how I spent a week of restless nights where I was
struggling for Statistics subject. My carry mark was very low and I had to stay
up for a week to prepare for my final paper. I couldn't describe how messed up
my sleeping pattern was and I literally slept at 6am almost a week and woke up
at 12pm just to study again! How I missed those moments :(
And of course, I met a person whom I
was so in love with. We were together for 4 years and to be loved by him was
the best gift I could ever receive. Sadly things happened between us in 2019
and our relationship couldn't be saved. The decision has been made between us
and we agreed to separate our ways. However, after the breakup, I haven't felt
better at all. There are days I feel okay and pretty normal and the other days
are just worst where my eyes are good at making tears rolling down to my
cheeks. I'm still recovering. The process of moving on is not as easy as you
think. It's very hard. Very hard.
If you are reading this, I wish you well. I hope you will not regret every decision you made that night. I personally think... We are never meant to be together. I honestly didn't see us in the future and I hope you will find what you want and need in the future. Again, being loved by you was the best memorable gift for me, the laughs and joys we shared together are always in my mind. I am utterly sorry for not completing the standard of woman you want, I am sorry for causing pain to you all this while. Thank you for loving me throughout these 4 years. Thank you for the memories.
Love,
Alea
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