23 on
Good afternoon and have a blast Thursday!
I would like to ask a question on what do you guys do when you are baffled between decisions that you need to choose? Do you seek help from a priest or a counselor or asking around for answers? For a Muslim, we have a solution to that which is istikharah. So I have come across the words istikharah yesterday and to be honest, I have done it recently. Although I knew the result was not as I expected to be but it was quite a relief when God shows, the signs that I should just let go of thing and redha. That is the part I need to redha and refrain myself from asking why but instead, thinking of the goodness out of it.
Why did I decide to do istikharah? What is the root caused for me to do istikharah? This is due to the last 4 months have been a roller coaster ride where things knocked me emotionally and mentally. So, I started to seek help from an old friend regarding istikharah. There were so many questions in mind why things weren't going well. The most frequent questions that I highlighted to her was
And she said, a doa doesn't work like that my dear, it doesn't wok disjunctively. When we pray to ask the best things to us and the result turns out to be the whole world turn their back to us, it doesn't mean that we are not good for them. The answer to our prayer: the world turn their back to us IS what is best for us. Things like jodoh, rezeki, ajal and maut, we never know until it happens and when things turn out a mess like now, we can't simply say "He is not my jodoh!" because we never know until the end, but the good thing in Islam, we have faith that He knows what IS best. That's when we find peace and calmness because we resort to everything to him.
God has all the answer to all my question a long time ago;
"But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you, and perhaps, you love a thing that it is bad for you. And Allah knows while you know not" (Al-Quran, Al Baqarah: 216)
Now, everything is crystal clear. I shouldn't be asking or questioning things beyond my jurisdiction, with all that being said and you just need to understand it. Despite all the hurricane I have gone through, the chest pain, difficulty in breathing, blood rush to my brain, hands trembling. I've been eating less since January, sometimes I didn't eat anything at all. I just drink water to hydrate my body and back to sleep. At times, I took sleeping pills to help me with sleep because there were so many thoughts on my mind that kept lingering around until I keep on thinking which made it hard for me to sleep.
Frustrates me how I take 3 days to get normal again when every time I accidentally hear the person's name or stumbled upon that person's photo. Those are the phases that I am still recovering and the good thing is, it is getting lesser day by day. It's just that I could not keep it under control at times and as long as it isn't affecting my health as much as it did in the past few months, I'm good.
How did I manage myself?
I read books. Most of the time, self-motivation books that got me grounded and reminded me that I'm not alone who's dealing with endless anguish. There is a paragraph from a book, Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed which says;
"When something happens that you love, be careful not to miss the point. Remember that nothing happens without a reason. Seek it out. Look for the purpose Allah created in what He has given to you. What aspect of His Essence is He showing you through it? What does He want from you? Similarly, when something happens that you dislike, or that hurts you, be careful not to get lost in the illusion created by pain. Look through it. Find the message in the bottle. Find the purpose. And let it lead you to glimpse just a little more of Him." (Yasmin Mohaged, 2012)
There, I start to self-motivate, do not ever get too carried away with the pain I am dealing with as it could affect my mental health. I know how hurt it can be dealing it all by yourself but you need to let it happens until it hurts you no more. And up until now, I still cry, well not that often but it soothes me every time after I vent my heart out. There are so many things I do just to boost my mood. Though forcing yourself to keep up with all the happiness around you can be as hard as swimming across the endless sea while you just wanna stay in bed all day and hibernate yourself away from everyone but it did help me a lot.
Besides reading, I do keep a mood tracker since February just to see my progression. Every time I wake up from sleep or having a dream, I write whatever I feel at that time. It helps me to avoid the thing that makes me sadder IF I am already sad at that time. Not to mention that I do write poems to express my feeling. I like how I transfer the energy of emotion when I'm jotting it down in my journal and surprisingly, it turns out to be something beautiful with a lot of hidden meanings behind. Most of the time, I do not go around people to talk. I take my own time until when I am ready to talk, there is always a person whom I talk to clear my mind and she will soothe me by giving me a piece of advice.
Thank you, you know who you are.
Before I wrap up my post, I just want to have a mini celebration for myself because today is my birthday! I AM FINALLY 23 YEARS OLD HAHAHA! Have a blessed dear self, know your self-worth, better days are coming, and worry less! Right now I am currently enjoying a Starbuck drink sent by my girls. They surprised me and I am so happy. Thank you Jatuh Bot! Love you guys to bits and bites!
Till then,
Alea.
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Why did I decide to do istikharah? What is the root caused for me to do istikharah? This is due to the last 4 months have been a roller coaster ride where things knocked me emotionally and mentally. So, I started to seek help from an old friend regarding istikharah. There were so many questions in mind why things weren't going well. The most frequent questions that I highlighted to her was
- How do I know that I will be okay?
- How do doas work?
- When I ask something from Him, which saying "Distance me from anything that is not good for me and please give me something that brings me good" when I felt like everything is distanced now does that mean it is not good for me?
- Why do I have to go through all of these?
And she said, a doa doesn't work like that my dear, it doesn't wok disjunctively. When we pray to ask the best things to us and the result turns out to be the whole world turn their back to us, it doesn't mean that we are not good for them. The answer to our prayer: the world turn their back to us IS what is best for us. Things like jodoh, rezeki, ajal and maut, we never know until it happens and when things turn out a mess like now, we can't simply say "He is not my jodoh!" because we never know until the end, but the good thing in Islam, we have faith that He knows what IS best. That's when we find peace and calmness because we resort to everything to him.God has all the answer to all my question a long time ago;
"But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you, and perhaps, you love a thing that it is bad for you. And Allah knows while you know not" (Al-Quran, Al Baqarah: 216)
Now, everything is crystal clear. I shouldn't be asking or questioning things beyond my jurisdiction, with all that being said and you just need to understand it. Despite all the hurricane I have gone through, the chest pain, difficulty in breathing, blood rush to my brain, hands trembling. I've been eating less since January, sometimes I didn't eat anything at all. I just drink water to hydrate my body and back to sleep. At times, I took sleeping pills to help me with sleep because there were so many thoughts on my mind that kept lingering around until I keep on thinking which made it hard for me to sleep.
Frustrates me how I take 3 days to get normal again when every time I accidentally hear the person's name or stumbled upon that person's photo. Those are the phases that I am still recovering and the good thing is, it is getting lesser day by day. It's just that I could not keep it under control at times and as long as it isn't affecting my health as much as it did in the past few months, I'm good.
How did I manage myself?
I read books. Most of the time, self-motivation books that got me grounded and reminded me that I'm not alone who's dealing with endless anguish. There is a paragraph from a book, Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed which says;
"When something happens that you love, be careful not to miss the point. Remember that nothing happens without a reason. Seek it out. Look for the purpose Allah created in what He has given to you. What aspect of His Essence is He showing you through it? What does He want from you? Similarly, when something happens that you dislike, or that hurts you, be careful not to get lost in the illusion created by pain. Look through it. Find the message in the bottle. Find the purpose. And let it lead you to glimpse just a little more of Him." (Yasmin Mohaged, 2012)
There, I start to self-motivate, do not ever get too carried away with the pain I am dealing with as it could affect my mental health. I know how hurt it can be dealing it all by yourself but you need to let it happens until it hurts you no more. And up until now, I still cry, well not that often but it soothes me every time after I vent my heart out. There are so many things I do just to boost my mood. Though forcing yourself to keep up with all the happiness around you can be as hard as swimming across the endless sea while you just wanna stay in bed all day and hibernate yourself away from everyone but it did help me a lot.
Besides reading, I do keep a mood tracker since February just to see my progression. Every time I wake up from sleep or having a dream, I write whatever I feel at that time. It helps me to avoid the thing that makes me sadder IF I am already sad at that time. Not to mention that I do write poems to express my feeling. I like how I transfer the energy of emotion when I'm jotting it down in my journal and surprisingly, it turns out to be something beautiful with a lot of hidden meanings behind. Most of the time, I do not go around people to talk. I take my own time until when I am ready to talk, there is always a person whom I talk to clear my mind and she will soothe me by giving me a piece of advice.
Thank you, you know who you are.
Before I wrap up my post, I just want to have a mini celebration for myself because today is my birthday! I AM FINALLY 23 YEARS OLD HAHAHA! Have a blessed dear self, know your self-worth, better days are coming, and worry less! Right now I am currently enjoying a Starbuck drink sent by my girls. They surprised me and I am so happy. Thank you Jatuh Bot! Love you guys to bits and bites!
Till then,
Alea.
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