Rambling

I think I'm both strong and weak. Resilient, yet extremely fragile at the same time. I thrive on complexities, and also adversely affected by it.  I constantly build walls around other people. To hide the fragilities. Part of it is to avoid people taking advantage of me. But the bigger part is to avoid bothering them with my problems. But sometimes I can't keep the wall for too long because....I am just a human. When I finally found a comfy place or sometimes people called it as a home to an individual, it is hard for me to not being strict or to even protect myself from being too overwhelmingly drawn with that person or maybe, just maybe I’m too soft when it comes to people I care the most. I gained myself from the breakdowns, it built me with such a strength knowing the fact that I could survive, being too cold and sometimes mean to people who truly care about me, however I always end up opening to the wrong ones. 

I perceive myself as a bright cheerful person and its likely to match with my colour personality which is yellow. Awh I love anything with yellow, always a reminder to myself to cheer and glow in whatever I do regardless the circumstances I might facing but deep down, I feel exhausted. It’s like I am carrying a load on top of me that could never managed to lift it even an inch. Patiently said to myself that “you got this, you have run a miles, you can run a thousand more.” These feelings are like a circle, one day I am free from having any these things but the next day, it’s all dark and gloomy awaits ahead. I seriously need to stop this and change the way of my thinking. This is just too unhealthy. Oh I wonder where can I buy positivity, on shopee perhaps? Kidding.

These are just my thoughts and feelings that always screw up at the end of my bed time. It won’t last, I promise.

Till then, 

Alea.